| April 9, 2012
predicamental motifs: to hell with it?  Yeah, and I'm living in one right now. I feel unsettled. I hold dear but I don’t actually embrace the better things I have in life. It’s a vacatur feeling. I don’t feel sad. It’s more pathetic than sad if anything.. to want to do something about a situation but not have the means, will or guts. And gradually time seems to have stalled. The days which always seem to matter to me; I somehow feel nothing of it now. Today is today, and tomorrow shall be tomorrow, just another day. Yet it isn’t mundane. So many things happened in the past few months I cannot reconciliate. Everyone knows life isn’t easy, but wow is it crazy. Insane. Outrageous. People. Everything revolves around people, some are just perilously eccentric, some have a temperament so bad it’s destructive, some you simply don’t get while others are just plain two faced. It’s abominable. It really really is. It’s depressing enough just to try to wrap it around your head, let alone live with every day. It hurts my soul. I realised then, along with the ugliness of it all; the world works because of forgiveness. But some are simply not ready to forgive. Worst still, there are the ones that are actually so willing as to see beyond the deadlock, apologise for nothing but for a greater cause simply to get rejected. Who then should be the pitiful one? Who is the greater fool? Maybe the key then, is letting go. Am I ready to let go of the predicamental motifs of my everyday life? time has been my greatest adversary for some time now.. but perhaps it is now the most integral ingredient to the cure I seek. And right now? I need it badly. -G. February 14, 2012
this Valentine's day.. Always remember that you can never find a perfect partner to love you the way you wanted. Only a person who's willing to love you more than what you are, someone who'll accept you for what you can or cannot be. And that's even better than perfect. January 4, 2012
Sprezzatura December 17, 2011
(: winners Felix in Japan. from Alexander Kuzmichev on Vimeo. November 24, 2011
Pictures that touched my soul - 2011 As the year comes to a close, here are the three photos I've came across that left me breathless, and also stirred some of the widest controversy and lasting impact on the world scale; in fact, I actually have the second photograph cut-out the moment I saw it on the newsweek I was reading. It was photography gold. Three seemingly simple photographs but each on their own carries such deep hard-warming messages, prospectives and meaning in them. So as thanksgiving goes, maybe it's time we sat down, and remind ourselves of the miracle that is, living, and of having our love ones constantly by our sides and in our lives..    Slain Navy SEAL Jon Tumilson's dog "Hawkeye" lays next to his casket during funeral services in Rockford, Iowa. Tumilson was one of 30 American soldiers killed in Afghanistan on August 6 when their helicopter was shot down during a mission to help fellow troops who had come under fire. November 20, 2011
Have Love lost it's meaning?  what is it that is truly in within your control?whatever it is, don't let Love slip. It's the fizzy feeling again. Even after I'm out of the cinema and a good many hours later I am still thinking about it, it made me drove at 60kmph on the highway all the way home earlier, and now as I am here staring on the screen, my mind is still buzzing with fragments of the movie flashing in my head.. frantically seeking for a dissimilarity or of some answers.. none. the culprit is, You Are The Apple Of My Eye, by Giddens Ko What I found particularly interesting is that in so many ways I see myself in the shoes of the main lead, Teng Ko; of course I am way off in the looks department, am nowhere as charming nor do I have half his humour, but I do have a bunch of 'brothers' that I can fool around with, have fights and have no secrets between too, I do also have a thing with Apples.. (both my tumblr & twitter account are 'crunchyapples' afterall), and lastly I do punch the wall too. haha, but I certainly do not walk around my house completely naked, only, Just half x] but that aside, what hit me like a subway train is the apple of his eye.. Yi Shen, the girl of his dreams. From the direction of the film, it seems to me, Love can be a cruel cruel thing. It is often more painful than it is blissful.. in it there is hope, but equally there is loss. They were perfect. They were a match-make in heaven, but why didn't they last? WHY!! it was just that ONE incident. Just ONE DAY, ONE INCIDENT and that was it. was their fight really worth it? no. should they get back together? did they? it doesn't matter, because the fact is that they didn't. it is already too late. We can only question. As with my own story.. We had a thing going. Ultimately, (like in the movie) it was a singular incident, one uneventful day, one mistake, followed by one decision. and that was it. just like them, we drew our end. Things change. We used to be able to hold conversations that lasted hours; the last time I met her we spoke less than 5 sentences. We were complete strangers again. Whatever happened.. I think I can live a lifetime but still never figure this thing called Love. Can we really watch our ex lovers move on in life and be (truly) happy for them? What if they were meant to be, suppose to be, a match in heaven? like Teng Ko and Yi Shen in the movie? Why then did the gods pull them apart? Can Teng Ko really be happy for her marriage? Can Yi Shen really be happily married without her past haunting her? Is it even possible? Wouldn't living be a torment knowing what could've been or should have been if that ONE DAY ended differently.. if one of them had savage the situation, apologized or just gave in? why would the gods mock their very creations and what is fate when Love never comes back? Even to the very end of the movie there wasn't an answer.. I probably wouldn't find one in mine either. I guess then.. There simply isn't one.  I think I am going to have a love-hate relationship with this film for a long time to come November 1, 2011
The Call Family. Friends. & Love. They are what makes living worthwhile. They are what the world revolves around. quite simply, they are the only thing that really matters.. But how many of us have a perfectly balanced and happy life? It's disheartening to know of so many friends that have families with broken backgrounds.. All of a sudden cases of divorce aren't just limited to what I see in papers, or mere numbers and statistics, the older we get the more we see. And it pains me every time to hear the many stories.. Then there are those like myself with a full family, but they may be disconnected in other areas, perhaps a perpetual communication issue underpinning or something else.. Friends. The ones we run to when family just doesn't cut it or when we have a secret we can't tell. But as with all things beautiful, there is an uglier side to it too. I've seen and experience fallouts. To be vilified, and spoken off, to be stabbed at the back. I'm sure all of us have our own stories to share. The point is these harsh and painful sagas of our lives make us realise and hold dear to the ones that really matter the most.. And similarly as we with our family, they mean the world to us. They make us who we are. They define us. They ARE family; at least in our books. And then there's love. Love cannot be contemplated, only felt. It is the one most easily taken for granted, and the one that can hurt the most, but also the one that can potentially change your existence. It's the one that gives you the fly when you least expect. To love and be loved is the best feeling on earth.. yet, at the same time, it is the most fragile and often also the most complicated.. but that's just the way it is.. Knowing that I have to work on the differences at home, to fight for my friends, and get myself together from the mess I created in love means I'm a long way off. But I have time. If those are indeed the three things that defines one's life. Then happiness shall be my benchmark, and the three my goal.. ;| October 27, 2011
Heh, pretty accurate! October 9, 2011
this song breaks my heart :'( please, just pass by pretending like you don't see me please, don't even give me a glance in the days that are like the sandy winds don't give anything to me folding away my one heart hiding my one tear like it's the first time we've seen each other, like we're strangers just pass by. it has to be like that. by myself, i say my love, send away my love in the folds of the lonely accumulated memories, the tears hang even if you're far away, i hope that you'll be happy i bury my love deeply within my heart in the next world, when we are born then, we'll look at each other face to face let's be born so that we don't lose weakly in front of fate again so that i may be a flower in front of you i'll sing a song for you as one's girl, as one man's lover i want to always live by your side by myself, i say my love, send away my love in the folds of the lonely accumulated memories, the tears hang even if you're far away, i hope that you'll be happy my love, deeply within my heart... though it hurts, though it will hurt, i will never cry because there is no such thing as farewell in my love when this life ends, in the next world, us two let's love, for sure. let's love, for sure. us two. October 4, 2011
I've lost. October 2, 2011
Read me through Nothing Last Forever no one can promise a future that is uncertain or guarantee love forever, but if love is true, and stays too, it'll last. I'm sure it would. But you had your reservations and chose what you believed but never what I said.Better That We Break when we reach a point where fights ends in a silence, with our insides hurt.. and knowing things just don't work the same anymore..Until You're Over Me I can't get over you until YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE NEW. I am broken but I need to be shattered in pieces to accept the truth and bury the sorrows .. because that might just be the only way...September 29, 2011
There are no rewards in what's broken This is such a daunting process. If it is even a process at all. fragments of everything scattered all over. Her fbt shorts and bunny printed towel are still here. My shirt which she last wore is still hanging by the valet. I haven't bothered. I can't. In camp, our photos are still all over the inside of my closet. Her photo in my wallet. And so many else, littered evidence everywhere.. Everything is so sudden. So cold, but so true. I still haven't got about any of it or removed or clear anything of ours. This is my first real break up. I am foreign to this, and I am certainly not enjoying any moment of it at all.. it really makes me wonder how some guys like my brother can move on in the matter of mere weeks or just a month or two. They must have a heart of stone, or the feelings they had must have never been quite so real. I mustn't wavier. I asked for this, I stick by it. September 28, 2011
 i cant think of anything to do, so i am back blogging. I am so tired. I've got about 10 tabs opened on my browser but i don't have the mood to read or check them out. maybe i should just sleep.. September 27, 2011
fallen  I used to tell her that she may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but she'll will always be my favorite colour. I wasn't lying. It wasn't enough. Her expectations weren't sky high, she was a simple girl. But as time passed, she became increasingly insecure and for no real apparent reason too. Simple assurances will never suffice. It used to, but nothing will ever now as I soon realised. If there is no trust, then everything I say will mean nothing. It's strange she would think otherwise. In the position I am in, I've everything to lose, she doesn't and I could only recall myself being the patient one. I have to. She was my precious, she was everything I wanted, everything I hoped for.. But being sincere and kind wasn't enough. she was paranoid. Too paranoid. What used to be cute, to familiarity started to become down-right irritating. She love challenging me whenever she could. I never understood the rational behind it or why she does that, not to me, but more so to herself? Why would anyone? It doesn't make any sense to me, but she continues doing so.. Couldn't she see that its not doing us any good? What's the point of challenging me and testing me to my wits? I tried to find out, I never did. So what she has done was pushed me to the edge of the cliff. Our cliff. I'd hang on, but it doesn't seem like a cliff I'm sharing with her anymore, where we have picnic, crave our names on tress and fly kites. It now feels like I'm in her space. I can no longer belong. She has chased me to a position I never wanted to be in. I am at the corner, the tipping point of love. And so I took a leap and headed off the cliff. Now I'm in the air. No one likes jumping beyond what you always believed. I love her. Yet no matter how I see it, it is clear to my mind as with my heart. There's no longer anything I can do or provide. I'm not pointing fingers, but what she has done, was frighten me away. I was intimidated, I didn't know what she wanted; I didn't know what to do. And then I decided to take the leap of faith. I jumped. Now I can't sleep, I've fallen ill, twice. I push myself physically and mentally. But nothing is going to change. The damage has been done on both ends. I am just as guilty of it too. This time it's for real. It's not just another 'break'. We're breaking up. With all of me, I've hoped and wished this was all just a dream. But I cannot fool myself much longer. It hurts so bad because I almost want her to find someone new really quickly. Someone that can deliver all her expectations, someone that can deliver her the happiness I could no longer seem to provide. It would suck, and I know the day she finds a new man, is the day I will hit the bottom of the cliff; the worst feeling ever. I'll be shattered. I'll truly break down. But maybe being shattered is the thing I need to really stand back up and move on. Right now I'm still falling.. an endless pit it seems.. just falling.. and falling.. Am I a bad person? I never cheated. I never lied. I never had a change of heart. Everything I did I did for her. It is a pity.. it pains me very very much to say this, but I must. if you are reading this, I'm sorry if I'm not good enough for you. I tried, I really did do everything I could possibly muster from all my heart and soul. But it still wasn't quite enough.. and that's the best I can do. I hope you all the best, to find a better man. Someone that respects you as I do and treats and protect you like his angel, and who rightfully deserve and cherish you.. because you are not just another gal.. you're magnificent. You are special. I can only pray. ..because that is all I can do now. with nothing but a broken heart. September 26, 2011
She'll move on faster than me. I'm sure of it. In fact, maybe she already has. I must be prepared. I have to be.... September 24, 2011
Fuck Me September 17, 2011
THEY JUST KEEP RINGING IN MY HEAD I don't have to wait for December. these are easily my favourites of the year! Pumped Up Kicks Skyscraper July 29, 2011
I just jizz on my pants Was going through a few laps on Shift 2 Unleashed earlier and just managed to unlocked the 2009 Falken Porsche GT3 RSR! For those who know, Shift 2 Unleashed is famous for being one of the most realistic driving sims out there - even more so than GT5. And although I hated the original 911 as well as the GT2; Gosh, was this Falken Porsche GT3 RSR a joy to drive! It isn't as easy to tame as the cayman S but is much more rewarding. And once u master it, the satisfaction u get from winning is unbelievable! (: Got off the game, did a little search on youtube and found this. the 2011 Falken Porsche GT3 RSR What a machine.
July 7, 2011
Change. "To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing." I'm lying on my clinical bed with its white sheet, watching as the dull grey fan spins. Time is almost still here when you have nothing to do. I'm glad all I have is a digital watch and a phone that does not tick. I can picture myself slowly going insane as I watch the hands go ticking by. Things in camp are starting to settle. But life as a whole isn't exactly getting better. It seems my relationship with my girlfriend is in a mess. I'm a mess. I've recently completed my training at the Signal Institute and am no longer a trainee. I really thought things would be better; but it seems we've fallen into a stage where there will be at least one fight, however big or small with every meet-up. Its usually those stupid silly things, but also those that really get on your nerves at the same time. And as it accumulates you start getting impatient.. I broke first, I said I was tired with all the insecurities, the expectations, and the quarrels. I'm not proud but I was certain it was the right thing to do, I said we probably need a break from one another.. A week has since passed and all I can say is it's really hard.. If you think the guys have it easy, I assure you it isn't.. I wish it was but it ain't true. And so we're kinda not talking now. It sucks because I know its not going to solve anything and is only going to make things worse. But I really don't know what more I can do. Her 21st is coming up and I feel awful, things couldn't have come at a more terrible time. I'm not sure if its the right thing to do as we are both probably still not ready to meet yet. But I've asked her out tomorrow nevertheless as I've already planned and promised. .. I can only hope it's not too awkward It's strange isn't it? how a couple can feel like the most connected beings on earth at one moment and at the next it just doesn't feel right anymore.. what shame and more agony. The most painful thing of all however is the feeling you know tomorrow wouldn't just be a simple birthday dinner. My friend told me if we were to break up, it will be my loss. He's probably right. Afterall, I'm the one in camp with nothing more but a hard-as-stone bed and a spinning fan that stares back at me. And I know, a girl like mine is probably irreplaceable.. But if letting go is the right thing for us, then I must brace myself for the worst Because as with all things said, life still moves on.. June 22, 2011
DROOLS ALL OVER. 2011 Subaru WRX STI Sedan I'm like completely sold for this car. Spent almost 2 hours on youtube just watching all sort of videos about it. This review from Driving Sports TV is one of the better ones. :'( how I wish I was born rich, HAHA. Kay! Enough day dreaming Gordon! time to start saving for the BIG plan! I'm soooo going to own one of these beauties one day =b |
The Secret. I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes and at times hard to handle But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure ashell don't deserve me at my best.  
The Need.
ORD
Get my hair back Dye my hair Hugs Prosumer Cam (maybe) Biege Fedora Sony Playstation 3 A long needed break More Love Car Whatever else that makes me happy My Escapes. Aaron Ng Aloysius Ong Christine Christopher Chia Cynthia Neo Elyza Jace Wong Johan Luke Chen Pamela How Priscilla Tan Regina Hoh Sheila Loh Sin Yean Sofya Wei Wen Yong Ann Yeng Ling Yimei Zheng Xin Shush. Have a blog? I'd love to link you! Just leave your link below & I'll be sure to drop by ;) Gone. July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 August 2010 October 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 |
